between then & now, part II
I’ve been in a profound writing, reading, all-things-creative slump, so I’m leaning on the age-old tactic Writers Without Inspiration™️ use to make themselves feel better: rifling through old journals for content. I’m joking here. Mostly. I do want to post, and I don't have a damn thing written except for my neuroticism-ridden journal entries. And so here they are, for public consumption.
10/14/25 Tuesday I’m at Luke’s house for the first time in a hot minute. Sleeping over, I mean. I’m pretty sure that I am, at least. I have a meeting tomorrow at my new job, to go over more paperwork stuff and then get my medical exam done. I’m hoping that I can do at least some relaxing after my more major tasks are done. I’m still quite nervous that I won’t be able to work more than one day per week at the coffee shop. I really do want to stay there part time & not even just because of the extra cash. I’m not entirely ready to stop being in the coffee world because I do really love and value quite a bit of what coffee entails, mainly the people aspect & the connections I’ve built. I’m going to sleep now, I think.
10/15/25 Wednesday * I mourn your death but you still don’t have a grave. *
We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, unremembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree - From Little Gidding by T.S. Eliot
10/17/25 Friday Today was okay, though I felt incredibly out of it all day & just generally have been feeling like I haven’t gotten enough time to myself which is kind of par for the course. I’ve had a pretty insane week and very little time to feel like I’ve spent enough hours with myself. I feel like a lot of things have been changing and the changes are good and desired but also very overwhelming. I’m going though a pretty big growth season right now and I really do feel like God is holding my hand through it, but I also feel like I might be letting Him down. I’ve not been terribly kind & graceful in my stress. I have been feeling sorry for myself; and there’s the business of the former employer thing… I wish I could say that I did it without much thinking but the truth is that I put too much thought and made the wrong decision, knowingly. But I should probably do my dishes before I get too sleepy. More in a bit.
Who are you? they called out at the edge of the village. I am one of you, the poet called back. Though he was dressed like the wind, though he looked like a waterfall. - Mary Oliver
THINGS I AM: Kind Shy Reclusive Curious Habitual Artsy Loving Smart Brave Appreciative THINGS I AM NOT: Unfair Unfeeling Sporty Clinical Disciplined Crafty Complacent Adventurous Brainy Groveling
I believe everything you tell me, but I know that it will all turn out differently. - Henry Miller
11/3/25 Monday 1:30 p.m.
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