Grandpa Terry

Last month, my Grandpa Terry passed. At his funeral service, I was very kindly allowed to speak - paying my respects and doing my best to honor his memory. I won’t give the following eulogy too much pretext, as I want it to speak for itself (no pun intended), but I will say just one quick word.

Perhaps my favorite thing about him, and the one thing I forgot to mention in my eulogy, was that he did not hold your feelings towards another family member against you, nor did he go out of his way to try to change your mind about them. He let his connection live in its own world while simultaneously holding space for your feelings too. That’s a quality which we all could learn, myself included.

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Hi, my name is Carlotta. I’m Shahpoor’s daughter. Thank you for allowing me to speak.

Grandpa Terry was one of the exemplary figures of what unconditional love looks like in its purest form: a verb. Love is an action word.

He never let you forget that being a recipient of his love meant that you were worthy of words of encouragement even in the face of misguided choices, good faith despite straying away, and trust in your character because he knew your value even when you didn’t. Still: he might clown on ya, clown on ya really good, but one thing about Terry is he did NOT judge.

I admittedly did not know Grandpa Terry all too well in his day-to-day life. I don’t know how he took his coffee (if at all. Might’ve been a tea guy, I don’t know!), or his favorite song. But what I can tell you is what I learned from him.
From my Grandpa, I learned the true values that create a real family. None of them include blood. Family is recognizing someone’s personhood and committing to its growth. It’s loyalty (something seriously lacking nowadays, but never with Grandpa Terry), honesty (which does not require harshness), and conscious choice.

On my 8 hour train ride here from Chicago (I would’ve travelled 18 to be here), I started re-reading The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, who is my favorite author - (I love him dearly). I realize this book is a little too on the nose given where we are, but bear with me! This quote is in the third chapter, after we meet Gatsby for the first time. Nick says the following of Gatsby’s smile, and it reminded me all too well of Grandpa Terry:

"He smiled understandingly - much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced - or seemed to face - the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just so far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it held precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.”

Thank you.

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Terrance ‘Terry’ Eugene Evans
November 28, 1954 - November 22, 2025
We love you, as you loved in us: always.
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