After knowing about, and having an interest in Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte for a decade now, I finally watched one of the movies recently.
I was first exposed to the story of Heathcliff and Catherine’s obsessive love at age 13. I was utterly entranced by the story, which I now realize was something that, a decade later, would prove to be disastrous for me. But, Wuthering Heights was a big aspect of the “love” I wanted so badly for so long, and reading quotes like “whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same” with zero context contributed heavily to the skewed perception of love that I readily soaked up.
Now after viewing the 1939 adaptation of the film and marveling at Laurence Olivier’s performance in particular, it has dawned upon me that I never want to have that sort of “love” for someone ever again. Wuthering Heights as a story closely parallels a relationship I was in for far too long. It was intense and we were young and it felt like forever and then some.
But that isn’t love.
Love is being seen and understood, and cared about simply for being. It’s when they expect the best from you but don’t fault you if you don’t always deliver. It’s telling them when they’ve let you down, but not keeping track of every misstep because love is understanding, and it’s never tit for tat.
Being dominated by thoughts of someone, all day every day, and feeling like half of your soul is missing when they’re away is not love. Love is being whole all on your own.
“Love” is not being afraid of them walking away because you don’t know how you’d survive; it’s knowing that that would break your heart, but knowing you’d be okay because self-love is what’s most important.
Love isn’t easy, but constant conversations that only leave you with tears and misery is not what love is.
Love is calm.
Love is peaceful and warm, and affectionate for its own sake. Love is being checked on and appreciated and phrases like “I trust your judgment” and “do you want advice or do you want to vent?”.
So much of what I thought was love, wasn’t. But I’m glad that I know what it is now.